Are you struggling to involve your groom in the wedding? Well you’re not alone! You and your fiancé may have planned many events and occasions together, so when it comes to planning the wedding, it shouldn’t be any different… right? But as we all know, many grooms-to-be aren’t as enthusiastic as brides about planning the big day. Is he uninterested or just intimidated by all of the details? Well today, we’ve got Katrina Razavi from Marriage.com here to help us answer this very common question! Read on…
It’s a question I hear all the time: How can I get my fiancé to become more involved with wedding planning? We got that very question from one bride and went to Marriage.com to see how engaged couples, expert wedding professionals and married couples were responding:
Why isn’t he interested? Communicate!
One of our wedding experts, Renee S., had some great insight and advice—“When men walk into my bridal showroom they literally freeze up and ‘fish-out-of-water’ is a most accurate description. Our society views the wedding as the bride’s day. The bride is the guest of honor. Let Mr. Wonderful know YOU want this to be the best expression of the two of you as a couple. Therefore his input is very important. By the time the wedding day finally happens, he’ll feel less like a silent partner than the Mr. Wonderful that you cherish.”
We completely agree — it really is important to speak to your partner about what your expectations are and how this is your day TOGETHER, not yours alone. Even then, don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t take to all of this wedding planning like it’s natural—as Renee mentioned, “Even with a houseful of sisters most men are bewildered by what is most naturally exciting to just about every woman on Earth!”
Loosen the Reins, Sister! It’s About Teamwork
One reason a groom-to-be might be hands off? Maybe you’re just too hands-on! One of our users, Brianna H. mentioned: “He may be overwhelmed and think that it’s all ‘your territory’.” If you’re getting into Bridezilla territory, back off– don’t try to micromanage everything, and especially not him! Let go, and you and your fiancé’s relationship will be much better because of it. Don’t stress about every detail—keep in mind the picture of you and your partner joining together on your wedding day.
Another of our experts Dr. Casey mentioned: “Most men at this stage of the game are still operating under a ‘single man’ mind set. This is the perfect time and place for you to introduce your partner to the concept of ‘being a team,’ which should be reinforced during marriage. This is more important than a single event.” Keep your on the prize and remember he may just be a little bit nervous about getting in the game…share your vision for The Big Day and show him you DO trust him and his judgment.
Don’t Try To Involve Him In Everything, But Do Involve Him
If there’s one thing that every bride knows, it’s how overwhelming weddings can be. Planning details can be scary, even for a bride who has read all the latest magazines and scoured all the wedding blogs…so keep it simple for your fiancé. User Jesika O. said “Try to find out what details are most important to him. You can’t expect a man to get excited about bridesmaids dresses or shoes…you need to understand that he has different interests.” So true!
Think about what your fiancé enjoys and what he would be interested in. We especially liked the way that Jesika went about this—she asked her fiancé what details were most important to him: “He clearly stated the venue, food, his and his groomsmen’s attire and we had to have open bar…other than that I run the other details past him just to keep him updated but we don’t really go into full discussion about it.” Other parts of the big day that he might be interested in? Users also suggested invites, lighting, music, gifts for his best groomsmen (always fun to shop for your buddies) and some fun wedding games to play right before all of your guests get up to boogie.
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Katrina Razavi is the founder of Marriage.com, a conversation platform for couples to start conversations around wedding planning, marriage or relationships with other peers and a panel of professional experts who have are renowned in their industry…for free! Check out Marriage.com on Twitter & Facebook
